high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
