You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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