And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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