no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
