I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
