i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
