I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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