I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
