Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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