And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
