In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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