The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
