I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
