The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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