We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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