i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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