Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
