I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
