I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
