I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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