just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
