I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
