I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Small penises have feelings too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
