i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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