i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
