i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
