How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
