why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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