I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
