i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if only i could text you this smell
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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