I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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