Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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