just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
