spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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