you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
