i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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