go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
