I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
