You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
