I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
