Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
