I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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