well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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