Your dad touched me again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
