My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
