i permit you to call me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
