But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
