"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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