some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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