My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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