she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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