It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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