He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
